Resources From Our Community Education Team

HELPFUL ARTICLES

The New Love Landscape- Connecting our Elders and Our Children in the Time of Zoom By Aeron Hart

It’s hard to remember how it began now. The beginning of lockdown, although palpable even in memory, was a rushed flurry of overnight changes, and all I can really remember was this feeling of barely holding onto myself.  We live in a small house, my husband, 10 year old and I. Suddenly I was running circles around the house, picking clothes off the floor in one bedroom, doing teletherapy in my daughter’s bedroom (I’m a grief counselor), then opening the door to the living room, and being a mom and a wife on the other side. I would tell my husband “I have another Zoom client now, I’ll see you in an hour”, and he’d call back “the governor just ordered a statewide lockdown”, and I would shut the door.  The news kept coming, and I steadied myself and tried to hear the sound of my own voice.

“The Grief of Isolation in Care Communities” By Jeanne M. West, RN, MHA – Community Engagement Manager

It is never easy to make a decision to place a loved one in a care setting, despite the physical care needs, exhaustion of the caregiver, family insistence, or even the direct wish of the care receiver.  The emotions involved with a loved one leaving their natural home to take up residence in an Assisted Living or Skilled Nursing community (notice I did not use the word “facility” which seems so impersonal), causes a tug of the heart and personal angst for all concerned in the decision-making process.

Finding Meaning During Liminal Times By Rev. Kristen Rohm

These are interesting times. For many of us, the life we were all living in early March has changed so much we could say it’s gone. What we’re moving toward and when we might get there is unclear. We are caught between what was and what is yet to come.  In spiritual work, we know this as liminal time, a threshold of sorts between the old and the new. 

Bibliotherapy in the time of Quarantine By Lee Weiser

Can reading make you feel better? Bibliotherapy is the practice of reading for therapeutic purposes that can work faster than listening to music or drinking a hot cup of tea. There is always something new to learn and understand, another cycle to embrace. Below is a curated list of seven informative books, full of adventure and discovery, that are psychologically relevant to the strange times we are living in. 

Healing Benefits of Art Therapy and Social Distancing Grief Therapy through Telehealth By Valerie Moore-Altavilla

The Covid-19 Pandemic has turned our lives upside down and inside out. Normal is out the window.  Individually and collectively we have been through an incredible amount of change this past year.  This change has been overwhelming and the change often has been all consuming.  Even the good parts of the change, such as more family time, has created stress and anxiety as we attempt to find a new rhythm of preparing meals, entertaining children, discovering new ways to connect with our elder relatives, as well as unfolding new methods of self care in the midst of confinement.   All of this new is accompanied with the emotions of worry about staying safe and not catching the virus.   In this time of uncertainty, we are experiencing the weight of grief and loss on a personal, community and global level.  Life is expected to be unpredictable, but wow, this year has taken us down many new paths leaving us with feelings of isolation and anxiousness. We are feeling tired, overwhelmed, lost and trying to find a new way.

Rejoicing in Communal Celebration By Jeanne West

Over the past four months, we have had to give up a lot of what we consider normal, routine, satisfying and/or nurturing.  That may have included going to our place of work, going out to eat, enjoying friends at parties, celebrations or even just having an evening together – anywhere -- with family and/or friends.  What has not been talked about very often is the loss that has occurred in our lives as a result of our places of worship/faith traditions being closed to services, which includes weekly worship, weddings, bar mitzvahs, funerals and other special events that were part of “normal” for all of us.

Caring for Caregivers during Covid19  By HSB’s Patient Care Services Team

We at Hospice of Santa Barbara know that caregivers are under a heavy burden these days and we are here to help counteract caregiver burnout.  During the increased stress of this time of physical distancing, caregivers continue in the emotionally and physically tiring work of taking care of a loved one whose health is declining. They are not getting the respite care they rely on, friends and volunteers can no longer come for a few hours to give them a break. In home support care has been cut or discontinued.  Without these important supports, we might be feeling overwhelmed or worried all the time, easily irritated, depressed, having trouble focusing, increased aches and pains, not eating or sleeping well. These are all signs of stress so please allow some time and attention for yourself.

Poetry for Healing: Antidote to Isolation during COVID-19 By Perie Longo

Poetry has had a varied reputation throughout history beginning with the oral tradition in ancient times, the chant having the power to heal. More recently authors have written articles and books about if poetry matters and why. Then 9/11 happened and our idea of national security shrunk. I remember one newscaster interviewed Billy Collins, then Poet Laureate of the United States, and asked what poem he would recommend. At first he said, the psalms, then added, the poem “Wild Geese” by Mary Oliver.  I still hear her words that were heard over the radio across the country. “Tell me about your despair, and I will tell you mine. Meanwhile the world goes on… Meanwhile the wild geese, high in the clean blue air, are heading home again.” 

Making Space for Feelings (As a Way of Strengthening Sense of Self) By Kolmi Majumdar

For those who have lost a loved one recently, or long ago, some of the feelings connected with loss of normal due to the pandemic may be particularly difficult. 

We may find ourselves having “old feelings.”  The feelings may be combined with sensations in the body – such as tightness, achiness, agitation, or heaviness.  These may remind us of yet other troubles and experiences we’ve been through. 

Lamentando la pérdida de nuestra normalidad Traducido Por Virginia Moreno

Todos estamos de luto. Todos hemos perdido nuestras vidas normales. Llevamos muchas semanas "refugiandonos en nuestros hogares". Nuestras escuelas han cerrado por el resto del año. Muchos de nosotros, los afortunados, estamos trabajando desde casa. Desafortunadamente, demasiados de nosotros hemos perdido nuestros trabajos o hemos reducido nuestras horas. Algunos de nosotros debemos seguir adelante con nuestro trabajo, lo que significa que corremos un riesgo mucho mayor de contraer COVID19 porque estamos interactuando con muchas personas.

The Changing Face of Senior Care By Jeanne West

Senior Living Communities, both those that offer independent living apartments, along with their care centers (Skilled Nursing and Assisted Living), as well as the freestanding Assisted Living communities, small and large alike, have changed into isolated, self-contained communities.  It has been two months since all of our lives changed, due to the Covid-19 outbreak and subsequent “sequestration,” but for our care communities, there has been a tremendous impact to a wider group of people.

Parenting After Loss By Sharon Vineall, LCSW, Bereavement Counselor'

Grief is a painful experience, and parenting while grieving makes it even harder. How can we be present and positive for our children, in the midst of coping with our own grief? Here’s what parents need to know.

The pain of grief alongside the endless demands of parenting can be overwhelming and exhausting. Taking care of yourself is essential to your emotional health and is also key to being present and positive for your kids. Although parents are accustomed to putting their own needs on the back burner, prioritizing self-care can support your ability to parent with clarity and a calm, cool head.

Cuando alguien que amamos está cerca del final de su vida Traducido por Virginia Moreno

Es un momento tan difícil cuando alguien que amamos se acerca al final de su vida.  Cada momento se siente precioso y sin embargo podemos estar agotados o sentir que nos estamos moviendo a través del barro, debido a todas las emociones. No sabemos qué decir o hacer para apoyar a nuestro ser querido o a nosotros mismos mientras enfrentamos el proceso de morir. Se vuelve aún más difícil con el distanciamiento físico sin la comodidad que viene con las visitas en persona. Además, el Consejero de Cuidado Espiritual o la persona adecuada de su Religión también pueden no ser capaces de visitar para ofrecer apoyo vital durante este tiempo vulnerable.

Appreciating the “Now” By Jeanne M. West

This is certainly a time in life when we are given the opportunity to do just that – appreciate the “Now.”  In our normally fast paced world, it is easy and natural to be focused on our plans and expectations, our aspirations and our dreams.  This does not mean that we ditch those important aspects of our lives, but rather that we either put them “on hold” for now and/or find substitutes for them right now.  Here are some wonderful ways to appreciate the present moments of our lives.

When someone we love is nearing the end of their life By Kristen Rohm

It is such a hard time when someone we love is nearing the end of their life. Each moment feels precious and yet we can be exhausted or feel like we’re moving through mud, because of all the emotions. We don’t know what to say or do to support our loved one or ourselves as we face the dying process. It becomes even harder with physical distancing without the comfort that comes with in person visits. Additionally, the Spiritual Care Counselor or Clergy person also may not be able to visit to offer vital support during this vulnerable time.

The Most Vulnerable By Michael Cruse

Ambassador Matthew Rycroft, of the United Kingdom, in his mission to the United Nations, once famously said, “How a society treats its most vulnerable is always the measure of its humanity.”

During this COVID 19 pandemic the most vulnerable among us are again revealed to be subject to significantly higher rates of mortality.

However, this pandemic is different. It is a new virus circulating through human populations with significantly higher mortality rates than the seasonal H1N1 influenza. It is also different because all the mortality variables are not yet known.

Why It’s Time To Talk About Advance Health Care Planning By Jeanne West

There is nothing like an unusual situation to bring one to an awareness of important life issues.  That might mean telling that person you love about the depth and sincerity of your love.  Or, how about praising your child for being an excellent student, studying hard and getting exceptional grades.  Perhaps an even more timely subject that comes to mind right now in the age of Covid-19, is taking precautions to observe safe distancing, getting enough exercise and having or re-visiting important conversations about what to do if … or when a medical emergency happens to you or a loved one. This is an excellent opportunity to bring up the difficult but critical conversation about health care wishes with a loved one.  This is a subject for all adults, regardless of age.

Parents Lead The Way By Michael Cruse

During this COVID 19 pandemic, managing our children’s fears start and end with the parent(s). In parenting, we are responsible for our children’s well-being. It all starts with the parent(s) being able to acknowledge and regulate their own fears. In doing so, they are best able to approach the selfless act of parental love.

Parental love requires that children experience predictable physical and emotional safety in their attachments to their parent(s). Each child having the experience of knowing they are precious in the eyes of their parent(s). This is the cornerstone of human development toward a full and rich mature life.

On Being in the Here and Now By Suzanne Retzinger

We often travel in the fast lane, but illness, grief, and old age slow us down. It brings us in tune with nature, which is slow to medium.  To attune ourselves we need to slow down, be in the here and now.  ‘Stop and smell the roses’ has wisdom in it.

We cannot be present for ‘what is’ when we travel in the fast lane.  Covid-19 has slowed many of us down, and is an opportunity to connect in new ways.  The present moment is the only place we truly are.  It’s a matter of tuning our awareness to what is. 

Developing Good Habits to Stay Healthy in Isolation can Last a Lifetime By Lee Weiser

Sheltering in place can be especially difficult if you are marooned away from home, but there are ways you can take care of yourself that strengthen your mental health to help you avoid feelings of isolation, anxiety, and boredom. Sometimes it is the simple things that keep us grounded.

The Front Lines By Michael Cruse

During this COVID 19 pandemic the front-lines are all the occupations and jobs that cannot Telecommute and are deemed essential-allowing our community to shelter in place. If they did not perform their duties on a regular basis the consequences would be dire; causing even further economic and possibly societal collapse. Despite their fears, these front-line workers perform their duties with the knowledge that others like them are getting infected and many are dying. The fear is further compounded because all the mortality variables are not yet known.

Living in Uncertain Times By Jeanne West

As part of my work for Hospice of Santa Barbara, I was asked to brainstorm three or four topics that I thought would be important for our community as we plod through this time of uncertainty with the Coronavirus experience.  From a medical perspective and when watching the local and national news, the focus is on the very important key preventive measures to flatten the curve and stop the  spread of the virus:  Maintain social distancing, handwashing and proper hygiene; use of personal protective equipment (PPE) – gloves, masks, face shields and avoid touching eyes, nose, mouth with unwashed hands, etc. 

Now that we are in the second month of physical distancing, working from home, and seeing businesses  close, I quickly thought about the need for giving and receiving reassurance during this time of uncertainty. I think that many of us, despite being self-assured, competent people who live and work with a “can do” attitude, all are in need of a bit of reassurance – that means you and me!

Teenagers and Covid-19 By Melissa Beach

We are all up against challenging, and uncertain times during this 2020 pandemic. The corona virus has impacted all of us in varying ways. Schools across the nation have switched to online school and most, if not all, have already announced that school will not return for the remainder of the school year. For most schools this will mean about two and a half months of not being “in school.” Adolescents are managing so many different pieces in their world. Our hope is to share ways to help them navigate such foreign terrain during these difficult times.

It is really important teenagers are aware that they will have to create a new normal for themselves that will take some time to adjust to. Creating some semblance of a routine everyday.

Grieving the Loss of Normalcy By Kristen Rohm

We are all grieving.  We have all lost our normal lives. We have been ‘sheltering in place’ for many weeks now.  Our schools have closed for the rest of the year.  Many of us, the lucky ones, are working from home.  Unfortunately, too many of us have lost our jobs or had our hours reduced.  Some of us must continue to go out to our work which means that we are at far higher risk of catching COVID19 because we are interacting with many people.

There has been a lot of loss for all of us.  Loss of important events like school, sports, music. Large life markers like graduation, weddings, births and deaths. We are not able to gather in comfort or in celebration and it’s hard. We may be surprised by all our feelings -- sadness, fear, laughter, anxiety, anger, gratitude, depression all mixed up and right near the surface.

Compassion in Times of Loss By Suzanne Retzinger

In times where things seem to fall apart, I’ve also witnessed that things come together.  Those arriving at our door often wonder if this can be possible.  What I’ve also witnessed is that a major component of healing in any situation is self-compassion. 

Our speaker Joan Halifax in Feb 2019 said, “We live in a time when science is validating what humans have known throughout the ages: that compassion is not a luxury; it is a necessity for our well-being, resilience, and survival.” 

Compassion has no agenda, no judgments, no “shoulds.”  It’s not about fixing or changing anyone.  It’s simply a companion to suffering.  It wants to cozy up to suffering; without compassion we aren’t able to go near it. We’d become overwhelmed.  

Bereavement - the Most Difficult of Griefs By Michael Cruse

During the COVID-19 pandemic, we are all at least grieving the loss of normalcy in our comforting routines and expectations. Some of us are grieving far more personal and threatening losses such as income, assets, businesses, jobs, and social isolation.  Some of those losses are temporary, some will be difficult to replace and some will be lost forever. 

This kind of grief requires an attachment that is difficult for us to relinquish. Although, we may suffer and struggle we often find satisfactory replacement attachments. When we are fortunate enough, resilient and adaptive enough, these replacement attachments often approximate or exceed what had been previously lost. This often causes us to conclude that these losses happened for a reason and/or that we benefited from a special protection. 

Grieving and Memorial at Home By Kristen Rohm

Many families will have a loved one die during this time of social distancing when we cannot gather to say goodbye, to offer comfort to one another, and to publicly acknowledge a death and honor the life of the beloved.  We know this makes a hard time harder and we are holding you and your family in our hearts. We also know it is important to ritually acknowledge this time and our grief.  Here is something we can do at home while we await the time when we can hold a larger, public service.

Cultivating Resilience In Loss and Grief By Suzanne Retzinger

The COVID-19 quarantine is compelling us to face a new kind of loss. We have lost all sense of normalcy in our lives. It is a difficult and confusing time for everyone.

Many of us feel helpless, and with the uncertainty, emotions can be intense. We’ve all lost a sense of safety. Many of our events have been canceled: school, church services, sports, graduation, weddings. The sense of loss from not having loved ones around us is especially hard for those giving birth, now happening in isolation, rather than in the presence of family and friends. Some are suffering the death of a loved one due to this pandemic, as well as other causes, which makes grieving all the more difficult. There is so much to grieve at this time. 

Tips For When We Feel Anxious

Compiled By Rev. Kristen Rohm, Hospice of Santa Barbara Spiritual Care Counselor

1. Take a breath. Let it out slowly. This is the single most powerful thing we can do to settle ourselves, to shift the physiological fight or flight response. The key is the exhale getting longer, slower, deeper.*You can say silently to yourself, breathing in, breathing out.*You can count your breath. Breathe in to a count of 3 and breathe out to a count of 4 or 5. *You can pause at the end of the inhale and at the end of the exhale.

2. Feel your feet on the floor, whether you are sitting or standing, really notice and feel your feet touching the floor. Imagine the ground beneath the floor. Focus on your body feeling steady and grounded. Place your hand on either your stomach or your heart as you take 3 or 5 slow breathes. This brings us into the body out of the anxious mind.

Tips For Seniors Dealing With Isolation

Compiled By Hospice of Santa Barbara Staff

In this challenging time, Hospice of Santa Barbara wants our senior friends and family to know we are here.

Social distancing does not mean social isolation, and even a potentially deadly virus should not force us to be alone. Now more than ever, people need to find smart ways to stay connected:

Learn new technology that connects you with family and friends. Most options such as FaceTime and Skype are easy to use.

Watch news sparingly. Stay informed, but 30 minutes at the start and end of the day is more than enough to know what is happening.

If you are in a senior living facility, share quality time with other residents. Human connections are healthy connections!

Call some of those people you've been meaning to call for a while to catch up or check in.

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